South Park: Kyle

First, let's talk about South Park.


I love Kyle. So much. Kyle's never really anyone's favorite. Everyone loves Cartman because he's funny. Or they love Kenny because he always dies (don't ask me why but people seem to think that's great). But, nobody ever pays much attention to Kyle. He's kind of just there. Like, Stan's the main character of the show, there's no doubt about that. Most of the episodes are centered around his family, though Cartman usually takes the stage halfway through the first act. And, yes. South Park IS split up into acts. Four, to be exact. Each episode has three commercial breaks, in turn, dividing the show into four segments.


ANYHOW, like I was saying, Kyle really deserves more than he gets. I mean, seriously. So many horrible things happen to him! He's diabetic, he had to get a kidney transplant in Cherokee Hair Tampons, he almost died from a hemorrhoid in Cartmanland, is constantly ripped on by Cartman, "died" for our debt to appease the economy in Margaritaville, was killed by Manbearpig in Imaginationland: Episode II, was possessed by the antichrist in Woodland Critter Christmas and then proceeded to die, got AIDS from Cartman in Tonsil Trouble, had to move away to San Francisco in Smug Alert!, got kidnapped and sewn to others, mouth to anus, by Apple in Humancentipad, ended up in a mental hospital in Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo, gets voted the ugliest boy in school in The List, has to drink pee and eat bananas in Pee, gets taken hostage by Somalian pirates in Fatbeard, was blamed for causing 9-11 in Mystery of the Urinal Deuce, has to kill Jesus in Fantastic Easter Special, and countless other misfortunes happen to him! Not to mention that his parents are psychotic and overprotective.

 Now, I understand that Kyle doesn't have it the worst out of the boys; Kenny repeatedly dies and Butters' only purpose is to be ripped on by the other boys, but there's something about Kyle, I don't know what it is, that has me sympathize with him. I don't know. Maybe it's just because I'm part Jewish.


Though, if Kyle was to die, like Kenny, he wouldn't come back. Kenny has that superpower, remember? Whenever he dies, he simply wakes up again in his bed because his parents were in the cult of Cthulhu back in the day.  However, if Kyle were to die, let's say, when he needed a kidney transplant, he wouldn't come back. In fact, a lesser known detail behind the show is that, before the episode where Kenny died for good in season five until season seven, Matt Stone and Trey Parker were actually planning on killing Kyle off forever because he and Stan were too similar. And, when Kyle was gone, there would be no coming back.


Fortunately, however, once the idea was proposed, fans were upset and didn't want the little Jewish boy to die. Subsequently, they decided to get rid of Kenny in order to add Butters into the group as the boys' fourth friend. Matt Stone stated that he was sick of Kenny because he was more of a prop than a character and it was getting tiresome to keep disposing of him over and over again. So, they decided to just get rid of him once and for all. That is, until, fans missed their orange-parka-d fourth grader and they brought him back without any explanation.


After deciding that Kyle could stay, the creators decided he had to, at least, change. To do this, they severely shortened his temper, removing the grey between him and Stan; Kyle and Cartman clashed more often while Stan stayed within his same old boundaries of normality. All was right with the world.


There's a lot of reasons I love Kyle. For one, he's Jewish and he's proud of it. I love his line "Don't belittle my people, Fat-ass!" and when he was talking to Father Maxi in The Passion of the Jew in season eight when he was mentioning his "friend" who was part of a "chosen people of Israel." I'm not sure why I liked that. I just did.


Also, I love his ginger self. I pride myself on being a ginger expert. A geolauriologist, if you will. No, seriously. I collect gingers like Pokemon cards. I've dated at least three and make sure I know every one of them who goes to my school. Creepy? I think not. They're a fascinating species. I don't mean for that to sound offensive or anything. I'm half ginger so, I'm one of them. 


Now, just to clear something up, my half ginger-ness is a strange phenomenon. I used to be ginger when I was younger but then I decided I'd dye my hair brunette and leave it at that for a while. This went on for years. My ginger roots would come back in so I'd dye them brown. One day, however, I noticed that the red was taking an awfully long time to grow back in and, soon after, I discovered that I was no longer ginger! I grew my hair out long and the red was just... gone... So, I guess that means I'm a natural brunette now. I haven't got a clue how the hell that even worked out but, whatever. I look better with brown hair anyhow.


Back on topic, like I was saying about Kyle... I love him. He's just so funny! There's just something about the way he reacts to Cartman's insults, how he looks at the world that makes him a really entertaining character to watch. I think maybe it's the fact that he's so serious all the time, even when he's being funny, he's being serious. I love serious characters put in funny situations. And Kyle is no exception. He's just a cynical little Jew who still just wants to help people. Also, I just really love his hat. I have one. I have so many hats. Seriously.


Jesus, I can't seem to keep myself on topic today. I guess I'm going to have to go and collect my thoughts before I do any more blogging. So, keep checking back because I've got a lot more that I'd like people to hear about.